Ever Feel Like You're on the Verge of a Total Nervous Breakdown?
Seriously, as I write this,.. I can almost feel the brink of a panic attack. My heart is racing...
I've wanted to talk to my Best Friend (yes we capitalize it on purpose) for days now, but he's always unavailable. I know he might end up reading this, and I know mutual friends might read this as well... but a blog is where you get things off your chest, so at this moment,.. I've got to get stuff out and no one's online to talk to.
I don't even know what I'd say if I could talk to him,... Ever have one of those days when you just simply want to be *near* the person who you understands you? Ok ok, yes I *am* married,.. and yes Christopher and I are close. but it's different. I can't explain it,.. not even to Christopher. Of course other people just look at me funny when they find out my Best Friend is a guy 10 years younger than me on another continent. I really don't give a shit. I'm not making excuses to people. This is who I am. Take it or go away.
So anyway, I'm trying not to have a panic attack. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I've had so many things running through my head lately. Tomorrow is the birthday party. I *just* realized I was supposed to make headers for a display board my sister was making,.. I *completely* forgot all about it. I'm sure she just did it herself. Being around my family always causes some kind of anxiety.
I want to get into a new house before the kids go back to school in the fall and before Daniel comes to visit again,.. and that's getting to me. Our credit is as bad as it gets... I'm worried about so many things really. So many things I can't even name them all, so I won't bother.
I don't even know if talking to someone will help... Maybe I need to see a Dr. People my co-workers talk to at work talk about their mediacations for ADD and panic attacks etc. They talk about the ones they happen to both be on or whatever... So I think to myself, maybe that's what I need. We will finally have medical insurance again soon (Next month). Maybe it's time I saw someone about all this... Maybe I really am crazy.
I've wanted to talk to my Best Friend (yes we capitalize it on purpose) for days now, but he's always unavailable. I know he might end up reading this, and I know mutual friends might read this as well... but a blog is where you get things off your chest, so at this moment,.. I've got to get stuff out and no one's online to talk to.
I don't even know what I'd say if I could talk to him,... Ever have one of those days when you just simply want to be *near* the person who you understands you? Ok ok, yes I *am* married,.. and yes Christopher and I are close. but it's different. I can't explain it,.. not even to Christopher. Of course other people just look at me funny when they find out my Best Friend is a guy 10 years younger than me on another continent. I really don't give a shit. I'm not making excuses to people. This is who I am. Take it or go away.
So anyway, I'm trying not to have a panic attack. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I've had so many things running through my head lately. Tomorrow is the birthday party. I *just* realized I was supposed to make headers for a display board my sister was making,.. I *completely* forgot all about it. I'm sure she just did it herself. Being around my family always causes some kind of anxiety.
I want to get into a new house before the kids go back to school in the fall and before Daniel comes to visit again,.. and that's getting to me. Our credit is as bad as it gets... I'm worried about so many things really. So many things I can't even name them all, so I won't bother.
I don't even know if talking to someone will help... Maybe I need to see a Dr. People my co-workers talk to at work talk about their mediacations for ADD and panic attacks etc. They talk about the ones they happen to both be on or whatever... So I think to myself, maybe that's what I need. We will finally have medical insurance again soon (Next month). Maybe it's time I saw someone about all this... Maybe I really am crazy.
posted by Patty @ 1:33 AM
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